Some people make you feel like you need to be conquering the world,
riding in on your white steed with your hands
in the air, in front of a burning sun,
but realistically how many of us are actually doing that?
You know, making history. You’re supposed to have your life figured out at 18,
be married at 22,
having kids before you’re 30,
supposed to be
living behind a white picket fence
with a job you always knew you would have.
I’m 21 and I get panic attacks when I think about taking the bus,
I cry over anything these days,
I’ve forgotten how to smile.
My fists are filled with so much anxiety
I’m afraid they’ll turn to balloons
and I’ll disappear into the sky.
That’s okay, though.
You see, it’s taken me my entire life to figure out that you can’t live wrong.
You can’t breathe wrong.
You can’t wake up wrong.
I haven’t gone to college yet
and my friends already are nurses with babies and husbands
and I’m just trying to survive.
The thing is that they are too.
They have families prodding them for success,
they have little ones to feed and clothe.
Their hands are full of worries.
See, they’re just trying to survive.
And maybe at times I feel invisible and small when I’m riding the bus
and worrying about how I’m going to pay bills with no job,
when I’m going through lovers like days and wondering if I’ll always be alone.
I tend to forget that the man on the bus next to me
is worrying about how he’s going to last through another week of marriage,
that he’s thinking how the hell did it all come to this,
I forget that the woman in the library is stressing over school and getting A’s
only to make her parents proud,
to make her valid as a person
when in all honesty it doesn’t mean as much
as we make it out to be. Is she happy when she’s sleeping two hours a day
and forgetting what it’s like to enjoy herself?
When I’m downing the alcohol like it’s water
and feeling sorry for myself because I once swore I’d never drink like this,
I forget that there’s someone else doing and thinking the same thing.
There’s no wrong way to exist.
There’s no wrong way to be alive.
You’re not worthless.
I see you. I see you. I see you.